Wishes Like Horses

horses run

There’s an old English proverb:

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

That wishes (dreams) are like horses that can carry us forward is something I discovered when I made my first “Wish List” in 1976. I listed things I wanted and noticed that if I put something on the list I ended up with it in my life. Maybe not right away, and maybe not in the form I’d originally asked for, but as long as I continued to wish for it, it came.

The wish list helped me focus my attention on what I wanted so I was on the lookout for opportunity in a way I hadn’t been before. Making the wish helped me clarify what I wanted. Wishing helped move me to action.

I’ve come to see goals as wishes I’ve clarified and developed through review and assessment, and I recalled the proverb as I worked on my review of last year and began to think about what I wanted this year.

I work with Your Best Year Yet by Jinny Ditzler to review my year and set goals for the coming year. Because I’ve used this process for over a decade, I can review past goals to see what’s constant and what arises and flows through. I reread parts of the book each year because it deepens my understanding of the questions and puts the whole review process in a positive framework.

Questions I use from Your Best Year Yet:

  • What did I accomplish?
  • What were my biggest disappointments?
  • What have I learned?
  • How do I limit myself?
  • In what areas am I not achieving what I want?
  • What do I say about myself to explain these failures?
  • What new paradigm statement will support movement toward the life I want?
  • What are my core values?
  • What are 6 to 8 key roles?
  • What role do I choose for my major focus for the coming year?

In an earlier post I wrote about a simple year-end review process that uses just three questions:

  • What worked?
  • What didn’t?
  • What would I change?

Once the review process is complete Best Year Yet asks you to consider:

  • What are my top goals for each role?
  • Choosing from the goals you outlined for roles, what are my top 10 goals for the year?

Rather than focusing on roles, Danielle LaPorte looks at life areas:

  • Life-Livelihood
  • Health
  • Creativity
  • Relationships
  • Spirit

This year I drafted goals for both roles and areas before I began to choose my top goals for this year. For example, even though accomplishments/disappointments and what worked/what didn’t work are similar, I find the answers different so I answered both sets of questions.

Other Influences on my process this year:

Morning Pages

Since I began doing daily morning pages in 2010, my old journal practice changed and became more sporadic; most of what I was journalling about ended up in Morning Pages.

Journal

I’d done some journal entries early last year and switched to a weekly format, but stopped in February. When I began to review the year I found I wanted to complete monthly entries for March through December before I did my review of the year and set goals. I used my agenda, referring to Morning Pages where needed, and did a “highlights” of the week entry that included photos, ticket stubs, program notes and books that were influencing me.

This took longer than I expected, but was a satisfying exercise.

Danielle LaPorte

Danielle’s rethink of the whole goal setting process in her new Desire Map program took me in a new direction. I haven’t purchased the program yet, but the information she has shared on her blog and in interviews has been helpful already. Danielle realized that connecting with how she wanted to feel moved her more than goals. She found that her Core Desired Feelings were a truer compass than the goals; that accomplishing the goals were not true endpoints. The Core Desired Feelings (CDFs) were what she truly wanted.

I reflected on this as I made my way through my weekly journal summaries and decided I wanted to include Core Desired Feelings as part of my process.

My Core Desired Feelings:

  • Loving
  • Loved
  • Creative
  • Able
  • Present

This made me ask, what activities and conditions give rise to my core desired feelings?

 How many goals are workable?

When I think about how many goals I can commit to each year I take into account how things went the previous year (what took more time and/or more effort than anticipated), and see if there are there still “live” items from last year.

In September I wrote about finding power for a strong finish in relation to achieving your goals for the year. There were four out of nine goals that I hadn’t yet achieved. They were:

  • Completing Story is a State of Mind Sarah Selecky’s writing course
  • Completing the first draft of my novel
  • Publishing an article or story
  • Restarting my exercise routine

I wasn’t able to complete them in 2012. Two of them I can simply transfer to my 2013 list: complete the first draft of the novel and complete Story is a State of Mind.The other two I will revise: discover how to share my fiction, poetry and essays and maintain my exercise routine.

I like Danielle’s five areas because, for me, they are bigger than the role-based approach. Often my role-related goals spring from “should-dos” rather than being more deeply connected to what my soul is calling me to do. It’s also easier for me to keep the list manageable.

When I began doing regular yearly goal setting I did a Top Ten list, but now I tend to work with five to eight goals. It’s finding the balance between challenging and overwhelming, between stretch and stasis. Which goals, if accomplished, will make a real difference to you? Try those even if there are only three or four.

As I wrote this I realized that this post reflects my creative process. I like lots of things to sort through. I am intrigued by the complex but love essence. I start with more and distill to essence. As I choose what to keep and what to discard I learn more about myself. This messy approach may not work for you;, but in case you love more information, I’ve included links to some of the blogs that I’ve found interesting that discussed this whole end-of-year review and intention setting cycle.

Meadow DeVor 13Things for 2013 (an anti-New Year’s resolutions list)

Jennifer Loudon Urges us to take all of January to reflect and develop our intentions for the year.

Lissa Rankin uses two posts to take us through the past year, looking at what worked in part one, and what didn’t in part two

Chris Gullibeau uses several posts each year to do a review of the year. The first is an overview (more what worked, what didn’t) and the second looks forward

May you be inspired to find the wishes that are horses you can ride to your most successful year. Blessings for the journey.

Join the discussion: How do you set goals, if you do? How do you work without goals, if you don’t set them?

 

10 Steps to a New Beginning

 

My new beginning began when I left the Regional HR Manager position at Capers in 2008 after the merger with Whole Foods Markets. I began doing some HR consulting for small businesses shortly afterward. It was a big change.

Finding the new beginning

After several years of experience as an HR Consultant and a lot of thinking, I decided to “retire” from HR. HR best practices remain part of my tool kit. I am still a CHRP, but now my focus is on writing, consulting, facilitation, and developing programs.

Here’s my learning from my transition; may it help you find a way to realizing your dream!

10 Steps to Prepare a New Beginning

1. Realize transition is a process and not an event.

I thought the transition happened when I left my old position, but I discovered that the process started before I left and continued for a long time afterwards. Trying new things and reflecting on what I enjoyed and did well was helpful. What do you want to continue to do? When do you feel great? What are you doing when you have your most enjoyable, most stimulating interactions with others?

2. Celebrate What You Achieved and Mourn What Is Passing Away

Appreciate where you have been and reflect on what it provides for your new beginning. What knowledge, skills, experience, insights, and connections did you find? What will you be sad to leave? What is unlikely to come again? Acknowledging what I lived helped me move forward.

3. Discover and resolve unfinished business

If you have any regrets, or have left something undone, whether communication or work, do what you can to finish. If you are unable to finish with someone in person or by phone, try writing a letter, even if you don’t send it. If it’s work that isn’t done, sometimes the other party doesn’t actually want you to complete it as funds, time, or interest has run out. This may not affect your own need to finish the work. If so, inquire more deeply. What is important to you about completing? What are the consequences if you don’t complete? Look for ways you can finish and respect your own feelings and needs.

4. Offer appreciation and gratitude for what you have received from others and through your own efforts

The previous steps bring to mind those who have helped us, cheered us, taught us, been companions, and those who made us confront the error of our ways. We remember the times when we persevered, floundered in confusion, and relished accomplishment. Often, we weren’t alone. As you feel the gifts others have given you, take time to thank them. Remember to appreciate the work you did and effort you made as well. Sometimes offering yourself genuine appreciation can be much harder than offering appreciation to others.

5. Take time to experience this space, clear of past obligations and what has been; be patient with not knowing

After clearing the past, a rare silence grows. The space between the out-breath and in-breath; it can be short or much longer than you anticipated. It can be hard to be there if you are anxious about the future and worried about what comes next. If you can be patient with not knowing what the future holds, and confident that the work of the past has planted seeds for the future, you can begin to get a sense of your new beginning. This step is essential, often uncomfortable, often avoided, and yet it offers a rich harvest of insight and new understanding if you stick with it. What comes up for you in this space between what was and what could be?

6. Clear what you no longer need

At each stage of our journey we acquire information, ideas and things that go with that part of our life. As you move away from the past, let go of what you no longer need; move it on to those who can use it now. As you release the things that no longer provide support it frees both space and energy for what’s coming next. Here’s a link to get you started from Zen Habits

7. Pay attention to when you are happy and to what people appreciate about you

Once you shed the habits of your old life, other sources of happiness and new ways of appreciating what you bring start to appear. Log or note when you are happy and what was going on. When someone thanks you or appreciates something that you’ve said or done, make a note, and find out more specific information if you can. When you feel happy and strong you are probably using your strengths. When someone else offers thanks or appreciation, they are likely responding to one of your strengths. When we spend 20% or more of our time using our strengths, doing what we do best, we’re much more likely to be happy. Learn more about the importance of operating from your strengths at Marcus Buckingham’s website . You’ll want to have as many options as you can for using your strengths in your new beginning.

8. Think about who you want to work with; acknowledge what you bring

As long as you are heading toward a new beginning, think about who you’d like to work with, and then think about what you have to offer. Dream! If you could work with anyone, who would it be? Why? What would that situation offer you? What might they need? What can you offer? In this TED talk Charlie Hoehn, a young graduate now working with Tim Ferris, delivers a funny and relevant rant about going after what you want, and not settling; inspiring whether you are 17 or 70. Charlie Hoehn at Carnegie Mellon TEDx 

9. Preview your new adventure

Find a tour guide for your new life, someone who’s been there, done that, who inspires you, and find out what it’s been like for them. Even if there’s no one around doing just what you think you’ll be doing, you can usually find people who do similar things, or parts of what you are interested in doing. Don’t forget to ask what they wished they knew when they were beginning. Sometimes you really can learn from others experience.

10. Discover where your life is calling you to step up

When one stage ends and another begins we discover our “edges” are new. Areas of challenge in the past have become mastery and faded from attention, and previously unsuspected challenges pop-up. Are you called to engage more fully in an area of your life that’s been neglected? Are skills that haven’t been used much, even though you’ve enjoyed them, now in demand? Are you ready to do something you’ve been longing to do? Is it time to tackle something you’ve put off?

Here’s to your new adventure!

Join the conversation and share what you’ve done to get ready for a new beginning. What’s worked? What hasn’t? Share any questions too.